Empathetic Conversations: 7 Ways to Support Someone After a Miscarriage

Experiencing a miscarriage is a deeply personal and often heartbreaking event. If a friend or loved one confides in you about their loss, it’s crucial to offer empathetic support and understanding. By engaging in sensitive and thoughtful conversations, you can help them navigate their grief. Here are some key strategies to support someone who has experienced a miscarriage.

1). Listen Actively and Offer Presence

The first step in empathetically supporting someone is to listen actively. Allow them to express their feelings without interruption or judgment. Silence can be powerful; sometimes, simply being there is enough to provide comfort. Remember that your presence is significant and can offer reassurance that they are not alone in their experience.

As a therapist in San Francisco, CA, one of the kindest things I can do for my clients wrestling with a miscarriage is to offer a safe space to process their baby’s loss.

2). Respect Their Language and Terminology

Everyone processes loss differently, and the language they use to describe their miscarriage will reflect their unique experience. Pay close attention to the terms they use—whether they describe the loss as a "baby," "pregnancy," or another term—and mirror that language in your responses. This respect for their chosen terminology validates their feelings and shows understanding.

3). Acknowledge Their Grief

Miscarriage is a real and profound loss, and acknowledging one's grief is crucial. Phrases like "I'm so sorry this happened to you” or "This must be incredibly difficult for you" can offer validation. Avoid minimizing their feelings with statements like "It was early" or "You can try again." Instead, recognize the depth of their emotions and provide a safe space for them to share.

4). Offer Support Without Pressure

Everyone has different needs during grief, so offer support without applying pressure. Ask open-ended questions like "How can I best support you right now?" or "Is there anything you need?" Conversely, offer concrete assistance. “I can bring you dinner on Tuesday” takes the onus off of the person grieving to delegate, and takes something off their plate in a meaningful way. Think about what the person you are talking to might prefer: an open offer or a specific solution.

5). Maintain Sensitivity in Future Conversations

Ongoing sensitivity is vital. When discussing future plans or events, be mindful of potential triggers. If conversations turn toward topics like children or pregnancy announcements, ensure you're sensitive to their feelings. Checking in regularly can also convey continued support beyond the initial conversations.

6). Encourage Professional Support

While your support is important, professional assistance from a therapist or counselor can be invaluable. Encourage them to seek professional help if they feel comfortable, which can provide an additional layer of support and guidance. Innovative mental health treatments like ketamine-assisted therapy can also be healing if talk therapy alone isn’t enough.

7). Follow Up and Check In

The impact of a miscarriage often extends beyond the initial days or weeks. Periodically check in with your loved one to see how they’re doing. A simple "I’ve been thinking about you" or "I'm here if you want to talk" shows your ongoing care and concern.